Quotes and Jokes

4th Installment

2008-10-05T23:33:00.002+08:00

Sorry folks ,was too busy playing basketball ,which cause me to neglect my blog.This is a reason (in my humble opinion) ,not an excuse.Time and tide waits for no man and i'm freaking tired.So,will try and get this post short and sweet(so that i can sleep).

1)God say after he created man
Q. What did God say after he created man?
A. "I can do better than this."

2)A Husband's Moment of Realization
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,
yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for
her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through
the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business
failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the
house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my
side... You know what?"
“ What dear?" She asked gently.
“ I think you bring me bad luck."

Quote :"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with ;"W. C. Fields .

Well,hypocritical smile ;anyone? =D .Ciaos.

3rd Installment

2008-10-02T16:59:00.004+08:00

Good evening,ladies and gentleman~I just realised something .Blogging itself is a commitment , and it takes discipline.More importantly,it also takes up time.I know I'm slow, but different people has different learning capabilities.I'm just a slow learner;a very slow learner.Anyway,enough of all these,let's get started.AAAAAAREEEE YOOOOU READDDYYY?*Don't i sound retarded*

1)Caught by cannibals
A man is caught by cannibals. To escape the Island of Cannibals he has to
survive 3 tents. In the first tent is ten bottle of Vodka. In the second tent
there is a tiger with a toothache. In the third tent he has to sexually pleasure
a lady.
So he goes into the first tent and about 10 minutes later comes out so drunk
that he is about to pass out. He goes into the second tent. For about 20 minutes
you here the man screaming and getting scratched. He comes out and he says:
"Where's the lady with the toothache?"

2)Q: Is it good manners to eat fried chicken with your fingers?

A: No, you should eat your fingers separately.

3)Teacher's Pet
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their
teacher.
The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and
said, "I bet I know what it is — it's some flowers!"
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy storeowner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it
up, shook it and said "I bet I know what it is — it's a box of candy!"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor storeowner's son. The teacher held it up and
saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered.
''What is it?"
"A puppy!"

This ,without a doubt,is my favourite quote which I try to use in my life.I can't really remember the exact words but I 'd like to share with you guys.At least you SHOULD be able to get the meaning(hopefully,my english ain't that bad)
It goes something like this

" Be nice to everyone as they are fighting their own battles elsewhere."

And of course,i forgot the person who said this .But then again,WHO CARES *grins*)

Second Installment

2008-10-01T01:05:00.005+08:00

Pardon me for my late post. I have commitments too.I sincerely seek your forgiveness*coughs* .I cant guareentee you that I can make a post everyday, BUT i will "try". K,here's your dose for the day or night or ...i don't really care.

*ROLLS THE CURTAIN*

1)Man and Pig
Q: What's the difference between a man and a pig?
A: You mean there IS a difference?

2)A Good Year
Do you know the difference between a good year and 365 used condoms?
answer: a f****** good year!!!!!

3)Mounted Cop
ounted Cop There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on
his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
''Nice bike,'' the cop said, ''did Santa bring it to you?''
''Yep,'' the little boy said, ''he sure did!''
The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said,
''Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.''
To go along with the cop, the little boy said, ‘‘nice horse you got their sir,
did Santa bring it to you?'' ''Yes, He sure did,'' said the cop.
the little boy looked up at the cop and said, ''Next year tell Santa to put
the dick underneath the horse instead of on top.''

That's all.Let me end off with an inspirational quote for all the muggers...........Again,my deepest apologises;I'm having my holidays;so i dont give a damn about inspiritational quotes.I may post in near future , when I need motivation for a last minute studying*note it's study,not revision*.Alright,enough of my crapping.Let me end this post with

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go,"Oscar Wilde

So,which one of these two categories do you belong? =D

First Installment

2008-09-29T15:43:00.004+08:00

Without any hesitation,let's get the ball rolling

1)Finding the Lord
A Sunday school teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might
be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis
on his birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus
occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc.
So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in Heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's
in our bathroom!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a
response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He
finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, "Well... every morning, my father gets up, bangs on
the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?’”

2)Test Tube Baby
Q: What did the normal baby say to the test-tube baby?
A: Your dad's a wanker.

3)One day a little girl came running into her house
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.The little girl replied: ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.The mother told her daughter: "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."The mother replied: "Didn't I tell you that he is...''Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy! I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''

*Acknowledgements :jokepier.com *

I hope you enjoy the jokes.*Pause for a moment* I sincerely doubt that you have read till here.Anyway,if you do ,i appreciate it.Let me end this post with a quote of the day

Woman says, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your drink."
Man replies, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."- Winston Churchill

Boy oh boy~Don't cha love sarcasm =D Aite ,peace

My intentions

2008-09-28T22:52:00.000+08:00

First and foremost,a very good day ;or rather,night to everyone.The reasons for me to create this blog are simple.As one knows , living in Singapore can be quite stressful , be it you're pursuing a career or studies.Henceforth , I want to let people have a good laugh and hopes to allow them to forget their worries and woes ;even if it's for a short amount of time.I hope this blog can achieve these

Let people have a good laugh
Let people learn a thing or two from the quotes
Be inspired.(hmm...)

I will try to post a few jokes and 1 quote of the day(my quote of the day) for every post,in hopes of making you addicted and come back begging me/hammering me*and this list continues* for more.The jokes and quotes will be presented to you officially from the next post onwards.*grins*